Am.On.It.
*theme song plays as I roll away*
Summary Edits:
Rosa Bagni has been sheltered in Southern Italy for the first eighteen years of her life. She grew up playing in her back yard, reading books, and watching every Disney movie to have ever
been released. Of course, she never grew out of the Fairy Tale phase most little girls went through. When she was eighteen, she moved out and somehow ended up in Sydney, Australia, working in a cute little bookstore below her apartment.
Two years later and she gets a phone call from her mom. They're expecting her to have a husband, move back home, have children and become a house wife. So she's got to find a husband and quick. It's not working out so well
(')till the one and only Michael Clifford
walks out of the rain and into her tiny bookstore.
A story about pop punk music, birthday cake flavored ice crea
m, gender roles,
and learning to do things for yourself.
So the bold are my edits/suggestions (+ “and quick”). Obvi use what you like and ignore what you don’t.
First Chapter Edits:
The first thing I want to point out is issues with your tenses.Present: She doesn’t like people calling her Rosa anymore.
Past: Taking the short drive to the post office wasn’t that long,
Do you see what I mean by the problems with tenses? She doesn't like vs she didn't like; wasn't that long vs isn't that long. You need to decide whether it is in past tense or present tense and work from that. Originally I went through and corrected everything to past tense but I figured that you might not want that so I'm just going to point it out to you.Present: It was always quiet at this time of day. You might get the occasional old lady coming in, and those will take up all that time. They know what book they want, but they don’t remember the title or the author so you have to spend three hours just asking them questions and guessing. It’s exhausting, and Rosa is never rude for a second, but she just gets sick of it.
Past: And what did she put on? Well, since most of her iPod only consisted of Disney music and classical, she just put it all on shuffle and began out the door to her small Bug. It was so perfect for her. Just down to the little flower she had resting on the dash, it was impossible not to know it was Rosa’s.
Next thing is indenting. By clicking the tab button or the two arrows on the left hand of your keyboard you create an indent which you should be putting at the beginning of paragraphs and before dialogue.
Example: “Rosie, hun, do you need some help?” Curse her short body. The far taller Maxie steps beside her, and they’re basically at eye level with Rosa standing on her stool, adding a good eight inches to her height.
Instead of:“Rosie, hun, do you need some help?” Curse her short body. The far taller Maxie steps beside her, and they’re basically at eye level with Rosa standing on her stool, adding a good eight inches to her height.
I can't get in touch with the owner and the other sites she owned have been closed down too.
